Definition of D3Business:

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Why D3Business? You know that expression "Why you all up in my business?". Yeah, that one. With business referring to your personal life; all aspects of it. That's what we're going for with D3Business. Anything and everything D3- the "inside scoop" if you will. By the players, for the players. Questions, inquiries, guest posts and flattering compliments: please send them to Also- if your a supporter of the Z List or Dlll athlete yourself go on Facebook and join the D3 page!

Thursday, June 30, 2011

Dream Team: It’s a Titan Thing

So we have our very first post from our very first dream team member.  Get. Pumped.  Nick Anderson, for those who don't know, is a 6'9 behemoth from Illinois Wesleyan University looking to dunk on anything and everything in between him and the basket.  Doesn't matter if it's his team's basket, or the opponent; if he's open and he has the ball, he's dunkin' that ish.  Y'all have been waiting patiently for quite some time now so with out further adieu, I bring to you...Nick Anderson.

When I heard about Dylan’s one-man wolfpack/blog, I thought to myself, “There is no way anyone is going to care what this poor soul says about anything unless I throw him a bone.” So, obviously, I offered my literary talents to this struggling blogger.--Dylan: For that I'm posting this picture of you for all to see--

Dylan immediately accepted my generous proposal. He wants me to provide the internet-surfing public with tidbits about the greatest small, private, liberal arts school in the world between St. Louis and Chicago. Before I do that, there are some things I need to publicly clear up with Dylan. First, I am ashamed to say you are almost dead on with my weight. I am 6’9” and about 220 now, and more handsome than ever. My stunning good looks and even more attractive personality seem to fit my nickname, 'Goon', like a custom-made pair of slacks. As for my jumping ability, I am now consistently touching the foam under the backboard for each and every power lay-up I shoot, and since I haven’t missed a shot since 1997, they all go in.

Lucky for me, playing for THE Illinois Wesleyan Fightin’ Titans (or Greenie Weenies, as Wash U calls us-we aren’t near smart or clever or classless enough to make fun of their silly Christmas-colored team)--Dylan: Touche-- has been a dream come true. Last season I played on the Junior Varsity team. Take a moment and think about that. I, Nick “Goon” Anderson, played on the Junior Varsity team at a Division III school. That is easily the lowest level of collegiate basketball available to any American. It’s like shoveling elephant crap at the circus and saying you’re in show business. Where did I hear that from? Anyway, we had a great season, despite the humiliation of the level we were playing at.

The beautiful and slightly pretentious IWU is located in the booming metropolis of Bloomington, Illinois. The ballers basically run the night life and everyone knows it. Our fellow classmates are eagerly awaiting our investment in a 24 hour two-way petting zoo to spice up the parties in the near future (you pet the animals, they pet you back). We have 2,100 fine young ladies and germs, the vast majority being enrolled in the prestigious school of Witchcraft and Wizardry.  About half the campus supports our elite basketball program, and the other half actually realizes we aren’t a Division I team. However, our largest fan following doesn’t come from our students, not even our parents, not even the little kids from local elementary schools who come only because they are promised a free meal, but the elderly. Yes, the program has a rich tradition of success (Jack Sickma, maybe you have heard of him?) and our followers date back to prehistoric times. We bus these proud old folk to every away game and they take up most of the space in the gym with their quilts-in-progress and the snacks they brought from home because the concession stand is way too expensive. In all seriousness, they are exceptional people who are genuinely interested in our success and I have so much respect for them for spending time to travel and support us…And make us cupcakes for after practice!

Before I start to bore you to the point of throwing your computer at your least favorite child, I want to leave everyone with this: IWU is a great place with a great basketball program and great people. I am so glad I picked IWU because I wouldn’t know my less attractive teammates--Dylan: I feel the same way at Wash U--, my coaches, and my friends at school. They are an easy bunch to make fun of and I can’t wait to do just that in the near future.

Until then,
Goon aka Nick Anderson aka Goon Sauce aka Goonington James aka His Sauciness

Hell to the yes.  That was a masterpiece.  And it was the first of many so I hope you've developed a sweet tooth for Nick because he's gonna be dropping posts on y'all pretty regularly.  I've already started going through withdrawals and I literally just finished reading it.  Follow Nick on Twitter @goonsauce (amazing name, I know) and I will forward any questions you all might have which he can answer on his next featured post.  A "Where Art Thou Now" feature will be coming shortly on old bucket-dropping teammate Sean Johnson so be on the lookout for that.

In other news, our FIRST WATN feature will be dropping in the next few days.  $5 to whoever guesses who it will be on.  Seriously, if I know you personally in any capacity I will find a way to give you those 5 dollars.  All you need to do is guess correctly who it will be on in either a post, or a mention to me on Twitter @drich20 with a mention of  Take advantage of this opportunity people, worst case scenario, you get the answer wrong (which you will), then in the next few days you get a piping hot feature of an ex ball star!

Until tomorrow,


Wednesday, June 29, 2011

Bahamas Diary

You’ve waited long enough.  Here is the highly anticipated Z-list exclusive guide to the Bahamas trip.  Before you start drooling over it though, after the cast and crew came out Tom figured he would start his guest-posting career by offering up a little blurb about me seeing as I can’t just write one for myself.  That would be like me starting a blog about myself and writing articles about things I do and how I feel all day.  Who does that?...
Anyway here is Tom’s 2 cents about yours truly:

And because the kid is too modest to make his own bio:
Dylan ‘off the scale’ Richter (D-money, Throw some D's on it, D-Rich), SG, Washington University.  No one is sure whether he repped the prestigious Washington University of St. Louis or the Chi-City with more swag. From his new white on white G-Shock (Rick Ross) to his behind the back passes, Dylan was on point. He spent the week hustlin’ the straw market and being voted one of the team's hottest. (Tied with Shane) Hey, and the kid spent his 21st birthday with his mom. Gentleman.

I appreciate that Tom, kind words from a kind man!  And here it is.  Your very own insider’s guide…

Day 1.  This day marked the 21st consecutive year of life for me so I knew it would be a good day.  I had planned on buying my first drink at the airport, but upon arriving I realized that coming across as the 11 a.m. alcoholic basketball player to the rest of the team that I had never met, my coach and the other members of trip probably wouldn’t be the best idea.  Little did I know we would eventually end up spending approximately 96% of our stay in the Bahamas…in good spirits?  We fell victim to the all-inclusive open bar (maybe not the best idea considering we had basketball to play but don’t worry, curfew on those nights was 2 a.m. instead of 5 a.m. and we stopped drinking those days at around 5 p.m. for our 7 p.m. games.  The first night was a lot of traveling and sweating in the miserably slow Bahamas airport.  After we finally arrived at the hotel we had dinner, had our first orientation speech then it was down to the bar where we proceeded to experiment with the beverages offered.  Luckily for all of us there happened to be a billion high school senior trips visiting at the time so we had a nice crop of teenagers to share our stay with.  We found a nice group of gals from North Carolina who we proceeded to spend the next 4 days with.  The night ended with a trip down to the beach with our new group of friends where we proceeded to play icebreaker games and told stories around the fire that wasn’t there…or something like that.

Day 2.  Big day! We went on a 2 and a half hour bus tour of the Bahamas.  We took guided tours of 2 ancient forts loaded with cannons, jail cells, underground secret passageways and all the cool things you would expect in a fort.  Unfortunately, somewhere in the middle of each tour we found out these forts were actually never used…which is also around the time when we questioned exactly why we were on the tours in the first place.  Then came practice time where we got to play together for the first time and lay down some intricate plays to run in our game the next day.  Aside from the skin-melting heat in the air-conditionless gym, practice went well.  Got some shots up, put the plays in and talked about how we all can’t wait until it’s over so we can go back to the hotel and… experiment with the beverages again.  Which we did.  And I believe it was on this fateful night that we discovered Club Hurricane.  The finest nighttime establishment in the Bahamas in our opinion.  If you’re ever in the mood to sweat your ass off, get drinks alongside people ranging in age from 15 to 60 and dance in a pitch-black room with a DJ spinnin’ the hottest tracks from last year, the hurricane is the place for you.  It was our second home and the moments we spent in there we will treasure for the rest of our lives. 

Day 3.  First game day.  Got up and had breakfast, some felt better than others.  We had a walk through of our plays and what not around 10 a.m. then we spent some time laying out at the beach before lunch.  There was no way we were coming home empty-tanneded.  (Get it?)  We had lunch around 2 p.m. then went and got our gear from big Don who is the older brother of big Ron who put the tour together.  We didn’t discuss this but I think everyone went back to their room and put their jerseys on then looked in the mirror to see how official we looked even though at the end of the day we had no real affiliation with the US Olympic team even if our jerseys convince you otherwise.  If I was the only one who did this then I’m just kidding…but I’d be willing to put money on the fact that everyone else did to.  Speaking of money, we won butt-loads of it at the casino but I’ll get to that later.  We had our game at 7 and were actually killin’ it in the first half despite the outrageous officiating.  If we so much as looked in the other player’s direction even if they were sitting on the bench…it was a foul.  Came down to the wire and unfortunately we ended up losing by 3.  Luckily we had Club Hurricane and our North Carolina friends to lift our spirits when we got back to the hotel.  This night ended a little differently with various members of the team electing to swim out to the buoys about 30 yards out at 2 a.m. with their boxers around their heads claiming them to be “capes”.  I definitely wasn’t a part of that…Thinking about it now…probably wasn’t the best decision at the time especially since we are all terrified of sharks and we all know sharks like to prey on cape-wearing drunk buoy-touching basketball players in the Bahamas at 2 a.m.  Needless to say, we all live to tell the tale so it is A-okay.  And I didn’t intentionally mean for that to rhyme.

Day 4.  Paradise Island.  We were scheduled to visit paradise island for 6 hours on Wednesday and we all though-what the tits are we going to do for that long?  Turns out we could have stayed there for 6 more because the place is in-nuts-sane.  It’s the size of a small city with water slides and rides ranging from 10 seconds to 2 hours.  We started off the day by going down the signature free fall slide that drops you 60 feet into a tube that takes you through an aquarium with sharks and fish… I know!  Seems crazy.  But we did it.  Did I think about turning back and walking my pale ass back down the stairs?  Damn straight.  But I stuck it out like a man while screaming like a little girl as I went down.  We then went on a 45-minute adventure looking for the lazy river.  Which we found.  And were not impressed by.  The highlight, for me at least, was a inner tube ride Shane, Wade and I went on (with the others not far behind us) which turned into an hour long lazy river/rapids ride which then turned into another ride and another half hour lazy river.  I believe it’s the longest water ride in the world but I’ve done literally zero research on this particular topic so don’t take my word for it.  After we got home and visited the neighborhood friendly hotel bar again, we took our talents to the Wyndham resort where the infamous casino was located.  We walked the beach and snuck under a fence (when we could have just walked along the street and easily walked in) to get in and we knew it was $$$ time…
We lost collectively about $150 that night (nobody came out ahead), went home, and cried ourselves to sleep.

Day 5.  Game day numero dos.  Same schedule as the first game day—breakfast, walk through, beach time, lunch, rest, game.  Except this game they came out in style.  They wore little Bahamas basketball reversible jerseys the first game but they brought out the big guns (and a few more hoopers) to join the party.  In jerseys that we would have gladly paid for…should have tried to buy their jerseys instead of wasting money at the casino…we got beat again.  This time by 9 or 10.  We tried to fight through bad calls, intense heat, and what seemed like a rim half the size of the first game’s rim because literally nothing went in, but we couldn’t overcome it all.  Unfortunately this all happened in front of our North Carolina fan base that came out to show their support.  L sorry ladies.  After mentally sorting through the game for about 20 minutes we came to the conclusion that the best thing to do would probably be…to hurricane like we’ve never hurricaned before.  And we did.  And we ended up down at the beach, again.  And on this night some of us may or may not have fallen asleep (read passed out) on beach chairs.  This was a sad and somber day for us all at the Breezes resort.  It was the last day our lady-folk from North Carolina would be in attendance but we tried to make the most of it.  Some of us, I won’t name names, had become quite attached, building relationships that we all though would end in marriage.  But this day marked the end of said romances and the end of all our fun.  *Tear drops onto keyboard*

Day 6.  Off day number 2.  We spent the day at the beach soaking up sun, sipping on fruity drinks and making fun of the jersey shore crews that were coming out of the woodworks.  Some of us went snorkeling with “the Ninja” where we saw a 10-foot Great White!  Or a 3-foot nurse shark, I can’t remember, I get them confused.  Either way, G to the Riff decided he wanted to go down and grab it…so he did and it swam away with murderous intentions that I quickly realized.  While the shark was out rounding up its’ best friends to come back and chow down on us jaws style, we called it quits, got back in the boat and headed for home.  Lucky.  I believe there was a casino trip involved this night too, but I decided to bow out after we ran through 12 bottles of white wine at dinner.  A little casino and a little Hurricane action to top it off was what I heard the next day.

Day 7.  Last game.  Same pregame routine and we came out swinging.  Before the game we intimidated the other team with a barrage of profile-pic worthy dunks…which we did get profile pics out of because Griff’s mom held down the camera duties like it was her J.O.B. (Thanks Griff’s mom!)  Did some of us purposefully take off our warm-ups so that the pics we took could look like they were in the game?  We’ll never know.  Anyway this game went similar to the others; we actually had a nice run going into the half, which put us up by 3, but we ended up losing by 7 or 9 again.  Some of the Bahamas’ national team players were straight filthy.  Haven’t bathed in weeks filthy.  Mitch Johnson and Torrington Cox were the highlights of the show.  NBA D-League players, who now play in Mexico and Europe respectively, and they had some of what we in the biz like to call game.  Considering we were playing together for the first time as a team against a national team comprised of ex. Division 1 players and current professional players I’d say we did pretty good.  Either way we had the times of our lives doing it.  Mitch came out to our hotel that night (why, I do not know) and partied with us down at the Hurricane, which made for a pretty perfect ending to a pretty perfect trip.  Little did we know Mitch was not only an extremely talented hoop star, but also had some other talents we stumbled across when we got home.  The next day was a long day of flights and waiting in lines again.  We all cried when it was time to go our separate ways and from time to time a tear still slips out.  We’re planning a reunion to visit the Bahamas and play again as we speak.  (Not literally but it’d be sweet-lets get on it guys)

This is the kind of cool shit we get to do on the division 3 level.  When you go out to the beach to take pictures in your USA gear, the people there don’t know who we are; they just see a posse of movie-star-look-quality chiseled man-beasts.  Granted when people asked where we play we may have just mentioned the state we played in…. Missouri, Wisconsin, Iowa, Minnesota, Colorado, and not the actual school…but that of course was to save time from explaining everything.  It was a bomb-ass trip with some bomb-ass people and many memories (and should be memories that won’t actually get remembered) definitely came out of it.  Once in a lifetime experience that we definitely won’t forget.  Team USA division 3 style baby.  Let’s GOOOOO. 

In the works:  We've got our first guest post from the Goon General himself, Nick Anderson, on the way.  We also have our first Where Art Thou Now feature dropping soon to.  If you can guess it in the comments section, I will literally give you $5.  No one will guess who it is!  Email, comments, and follow my ass on Twitter!  @drich20

I love lamp,

Tuesday, June 28, 2011

The Cast and Crew

Here it is.  The long anticipated day-by-day chronicle of the events that took place June 19th, 2011 through June 26th, 2011.  Will they all be remembered? Probably not.  Will they be truthful? For the most part.  Will I leave out some ripe luscious details because they are inappropriate to go throwing out on the Internet for anyone to see?  Of course not.  (Just kidding teammates, I won’t tell them about the time we…)

Preface:  One of the cool things about division 3 basketball is it gives you opportunities like the one we had to go do something special.  Like play the national team from another country, these opportunities don’t come around very often.  Now from what I’ve been able to deduce, coach Hayes, assistant coach at Carleton College and THE MAN, basically got free reign to pick whomever his heart desired to invite on this trip.  The trip was put on by USA sports tours and events and thank you to Ron and Don Smith for setting it all up.  Through their connections, they were able to reach out to the head of the Bahamas Basketball Federation to schedule these exhibition games.  The FIBA CBC or Caribbean basketball championships are taking place soon so these games were a tune up for their national squad and some of them WERE DRIPPING-MUD-DIRTY!  Now I don’t know how many different types of programs and companies there are that do things like this but it always feels good when you get “invited” to participate.  Eight players agreed, most of who will become weekly correspondents once basketball season starts, and I’ll list ‘em off real quick then get into the goods.   

The Lineup: 

Ryan Milne, PG, Colorado College.  Little Ryan was fiery ball of energy all week until a battle with food poisoning put him down for the count for a day.  After a speedy recovery with some help from    _ _ _ _ _ _  (those there know what that means), Ryan was back in action breaking the hearts of high-school girls everywhere (everywhere meaning at the Breezes resort), and J.J. Barea-style floating tear drops over the competition on the hardwood.

Tom Sawatzke, PG, Carleton College.  With a beautifully crafted Hawaiian shirt only Tom could pull off and fresh out the oven Bahaman-flag sunglasses that he actually couldn’t see out of, Tom took over Nassau by storm.  Whether he was pullin’ up J’n in people’s faces or putting on a smooth vocal-less performance of N’ Sync in the basement club (Hurricane, we will be back for the reunion), Tom was holding it down and putting that small school of his in Minnesota on the map.

Caleb Rosenow, PF, Carleton College.  What is there to say about Caleb…  Flow? Swag?  Paaaty? (Party in that New Joizzy accent of his) None of these words alone do him justice.  So how about Sw-aaa-low.  And while that word might be construed in a slightly…off-putting way seeing as it’s basically swallow spelled incorrectly, I’d like to you take it like this:  When seeing the Bahamas’ best player flying directly towards him after crossing the shit out of someone (probably me), Caleb Swaaalowed his pride, and swatted the sweet cream pudding out of his miraculous attempt at a dunk.  (Kinda).  Needless to say Caleb’s courageous act defending the paint scared off potential dunk seekers from then on.  (Except for the 4 or 5 they snuck in there throughout the rest of the game).

Shane Manor, SG/SF, UW River-Falls.  You may remember Shane from this… top 10 ESPN sportscenter- No big deal.  He brought a few of those out this week while playing with only one functional leg!  Aka a sprained ankle, but still!  What we will remember most is the proposition that took place on that first fateful night.  “Hey bruh, lemme holla at you real quick” the old man at the bar said.  “What’s up?” says Shane.  “One of my girls wants you”.  And that’s how the whole week pretty much went.

Wade Guerin, SF/C, UW River-Falls.  Maaaa man.  This big goon!  When I saw him at the airport I thought he was Shane’s bodyguard.  Aside from being massive, Wade enjoys the following:  hitting baby hooks high off the glass, bombing and-1 three pointers, losing a dollar here and there at the casino, trying to win it back the next night, losing even more, getting pursued by elder women (don’t worry Jenna, he was good), and also providing us with the quote of the trip.  “Guys, if we don’t win this game…we can’t say that we won”.  And for that we love big Wade. 

Taylor Hanson, SF, Connecticut College (transferring to Carleton next year).  Sweet, sweet Taylor.  No he’s not one of the 3 brothers but he very well could have been.  After being stalked early on in the trip, Taylor was able to avoid his fan club and focus on what the rest of us were trying to do the whole trip:  not get our shit swatted:  fail, not get ferociously dunked on: fail, and win some basketball games:  semi-fail.  As I like to put it, we played 6 halves and won 2.  Did we win any games? No, but since when are games more important than halves…

Griffin Lentsch, SG, Grinnell College.  Don’t even think about mistaking Griffin for the quiet shy type like our Canadian friends at the casino did.  When the clock strikes 12 midnight, Griffin turns into an aggressive, can’t-feel-my-face dance crazed animal.  There is no stopping him and when he decides he wants to sleep on the beach in a chair at 3 in the morning, he does what he damn well pleases.  Oh yeah, he can drain some treys and fly around the rim once in a while too.

I’m not easy and I don't give it all up on the first date.  I'm going to make you work for the day-by-day ultra-exclusive guide to the trip.  This was just some moist material to quench your thirst.  Sip, sip, pass.  Send it around to your friends and help build the buzz.  The official trip summary will be released tomorrow, or possibly even later today ;).  Be on the lookout!  Here's a pic of the crew for all y'all interested.

D-Y D-Y Nasty

Monday, June 27, 2011

Chapter 1

You ever sit down to write a paper for school-- I’m talking to you: division 3 student-athlete who actually has to try in school and write your own papers-- and haven’t really thought it through so after staring at the screen for 10 seconds you realize you actually have no idea where to start?  That’s kind of how this recap is.  I know I was dropping hot bombs on ya’ll on a daily basis, so I understand if you’re hurt that there hasn’t been anything in a week.  I am sorry, if I could have, I would have hit you from all angles but unfortunately at the resort we were at-  Breezes in Nassau, Bahamas -  they charged $12 for a half hour of Internet.  The last time I tried to sell authentic Wash U merchandise for money (and tattoos), I was laughed at, so as you can see even with all the under the table perks and suitcases full of cash I've received through the years from agents and boosters, I don’t have enough to cover such costly costs.  With this being the case, I have a lot to catch ya’ll up on and I’m yet to figure out exactly how it’s going to go down. 

The trip was amazing though; one of the perks of D3 basketball, through my experiences at least, is the other bro’s and lady-folk that play happen to cooler then a polar bears toes (reference Kid Cudi).  This particular group consisted of eight swagged out BallStars hailing from the following institutions:  2 from UW-River Falls: Wisconsin, 1 from Grinnell: Iowa, 1 from Colorado College: take a guess, 2 from Carleton: Minne-snow-ta, 1 transfer going to Carelton from Conneticut College: again, take a guess, and then of course yours truly from Wash U.  We met Sunday afternoon at the airport in Orlando, became best friends, then started our journey to the Bahamas to show them what Team USA (D3 edition) was all about.  Turns out we were all about playing hard but unfortunately losing some/all close games to GOODASS Bahamian ballers, hittin’ up that Club Hurricane, late night swims with the sharks, perfecting our beautiful bronzed tans, and losing approx $300 dollars.  I’ll get into the specifics in the next post which I will be crafting while everyone salivates over this teaser.  Think of it as a movie preview: 

You watch it (in this case read), you say “Hot diggity dog I wanna see that flick when it comes out now ya hear” (in this case “I’m bored, I’ll read the next one I guess”), you wait months to see it (in this case probably less than a day), you spend anywhere from $5-$15 typically to go see it (in this case FREE-limited time offer), you see it and love it (in this case see it and love it) then it’s done.  I already can see the questions arising.  Yes, names will be named, yes I will attempt and hopefully be successful in adding them to the growing list of dream team correspondents, yes pictures will be shared with ya’ll, yes members of our team did end up winning the lip-syncing contest by performing ‘In Da Club’ beating out a bunch of beached whales and yes I plan to take you through the weeks events day by day diary style.  Oh yeah, and yes we taught everyone in their how exactly they were suppose to dougie, yes we did it every night, and yes the day by day diary style recap may be a bit hazy due to the fact that we…I think it’s best worded as… “took advantage” of the open bar and 18+ drinking age that welcomed us at the Bahamas.  While you satiate (it means to satisfy or quench) your appetite for more Z-list material, I’ll start up on the recap.  Be prepared to read about what it’s like being on the…D list!!!!!

D-man. Out.  Kind of.  Still writing right now but out none-the less. 

P.S.  Two shoutouts.  1 to mommy who accompanied me on the trip-thanks and happy birthday J .  2 to Hannz Bananz and Melz Belz who sent in a pic downing one in respect for me.  Made for a great 21st b-day present-I was doing the same down in the Bahamas for a week straight!

Sunday, June 19, 2011

D1 for a day

Super fast just to let ya'll suckers know what the deal is.  I have the privilege of accompanying a fine young group of division 3 BallStars to the Bahamas for a week of sunscreen, beaching and of course basketball.  We are participating on behalf of USA sports tours in the Bahamas Summer Thunder basketball tournament and will be playing Bahamian (I'm taking a stab in the dark that that is what the natives of Bahamas are called) national teams.  Will we get our asses squashed by those poised to represent the Bahamas in future international tournaments (because god knows that won't be us on the USA olympic team...) or will we lay down some tush whoopin'?  I couldn't tell ya, but in a week I'll be able to.  I'm calling this D1 for a day because from what I've heard about this trip, it sounds to me what I imagine D1 players do on a regular basis, minus going to the Bahamas of course.  In such a primitive country, Internet is limited so I'm not sure how many posts/updates I will be able to drop on ya'll.  And by primitive I mean the resort that we're staying at has outrageous prices for Internet usage and of course no free wi-fi.  Bahamas isn't primitive at all as far as I know.  That being the case, I will have loads of scrumptious material for everyone and will most likely be able to throw up a post or two while I'm there.  I plan to release most of the updates when I arrive safely back in the states (knock on wood).  This is a great opportunity, and I'm very excited about it.  It's approximately 1:11 a.m. right now and I just parted ways with the old ball and chain-see there's your shoutout :)- and I'm leaving in a cab at 5:30.  Got to finish packing and make sure I'm not forgetting anything even though I inevitably always do.

Be on the lookout for some great new material dropping soon including but not limited to:

-Our first post from dream team member Nick Anderson #1
-A few official press releases on new dream team member acquisitions (very excited about them)
-Finally our first "Where Art Thou Now" featuring super stud Sean Johnson  (not the cute gymnast I had a crush on, and maybe a picture in my wallet, for about a year)  He also hails from the great Illinois Wesleyan and we look forward to hearing his story and to find out....Where Art Thou Now! :)

Sidenote:  Don't mean to toot my own horn-all though I have been known to toot ;)  -ba dum chinggg..that would be the sound they make after bad jokes on TV-but this morning marks my 21st year of birth.  Because I have a 5:30 a.m. taxi I chose not to take the generic route of partying at a bar and consuming 21 god awful shots...not that I know what that tastes like.  Instead I had a nice peaceful dinner and a movie, Green Lantern to be exact, then came home for a relaxing pack session.  I plan to make my mother buy me a drink at the airport so don't fret, I will get the partying in.  To all those out there, take a shot for me and if you take a pic of yourself doing it and send it to me, I'll post it up here.  My prediction is that I'll get a grand total of 0 pictures but why not go for it ya know?  If I get one at it will make my day! Until next time, I'm Ron Burgundy, Stay classy San Diego.

Friday, June 17, 2011

The old, forgotten and never really known...

Just a quick update.  As the search for members of the dream team continues (I’ll be sending out some recruitment Facebook messages shortly), I would like to introduce a new feature to the blog that I think I can bring you on a weekly basis.  As I continue to use my much needed brain juice on coming up with deliciously entertaining material to share with you guys, I’ve come to the realization that it is difficult.  And while you may think otherwise because so far this blog has been SOLID DIAMONDS, it’s the truth.  That is why I’ve decided to assemble the dream team, and that is where my next idea came from.  It will be a win-win situation though because on the one hand, I won’t have to think of as much stuff to talk about, and on the other hand, you won’t have to listen to the pathetic, and oftentimes sleep inducing, content I decide to dish out.  (JK, my content is tasty and fresh, we all know this, but go along with it for the buildup to the new feature’s sake) 

That is why I’m proud to introduce where are they now.  Have you ever wondered what Dennis Rodman is doing at this exact second?  If you’re anything like me, that question has bubbled up numerous times, and now you don’t have to let curiosity kill the cat anymore!  I can’t answer the question about Dennis, but with the weekly “Where Art Thou Now” series, I’ll be able to answer the questions you’ve always wondered about your favorite division 3 athletes. Now unless your kid/relative plays, you play or a good friend plays, you probably don’t have a favorite division 3 athlete but that is okay, I think the stories will prove to be pretty interesting anyway. 

Some start working, some test their coaching chops, some get married, some continue to live the dream overseas, most build a cottage in the woods decorated with high school and college basketball memorabilia from their schools and live in quiet solitude until they die alone because like professional athletes, after their illustrious d3 careers are over, they don’t know how to re-enter the real world.  Whatever they happen to be doing; I’ll be the one to tell you about it.  Each week I will contact another ex division 3 BallStar and bring you their story.  I may make up anecdotes here and there but the majority of the content will be undeniable truth.  As this goes on I will be taking requests on who you'd hear from, but for now it will mainly be acquaintances I’ve made throughout my time in the d3 inner celebrity circle.  That, along with more dream team updates will be coming soon.

With love as always,


Thursday, June 16, 2011

The Hunt Begins: Dream Team 2012

The hunt begins.  Through sheer determination, the kind I use in practice to make it look like I’m working hard when I’m really trying to employ as little effort as possible (I only do this when I’m thoroughly fatigued), I have encountered the first real live Z-list correspondent.  And he goes by the name of Nick Anderson.  Name sharer with the great… Nick Anderson, who followed a slightly different path than us.  We will  refer to Nick Anderson, the one who was a Mcdonald’s All-American, who played for U of Illinois and went on to have an illustrious NBA career from 1989 to 2001, as Nick Anderson #2.  Could it be because we are jealous of him and the life we could only wish to live? No.  Its because he’s meaningless to us, our d3 lives and most importantly, our blog.  A little more information on our Nick Anderson, Nick Anderson #1:

Currently is a 6’9 205 pound beast-child sophomore at Illinois Wesleyan University.  That poundage breaks down to roughly 2.5 pounds per inch, pretty big on the BMI (big man index-shoutz Toth!)  I met Nick a few years back at Washington University’s showcase basketball camp where I was a "coach", I'll explain later, and he was just a beanpole...probably 6’9 204.  My memories of Nick at camp consist of him eating small babies for breakfest, powering up graceful lay-ups with the finesse of a ballerina finishing with rim rattling backboard slaps and taunting the one poor freshman who signed up for camp while the camp was made up predominantly of seniors. He would have been a great fit at Wash U if he wasn't such an awful person...

Well anyway, that's our Illinois wesleyan basketball correspondant. 
Im kidding, Nicks actually a sweet dude and pretty funny despite his unfortunate looks. I guess if your not pretty you gotta be funny. (Kidding again!  He's a dapper young man) Nick will be entertaining us with his views on the glamour that goes along with this division 3 lifestyle and giving some insight into the Illinois Wesleyan community.  You should be as excited as I am. 

Oh yeah, back to coaching...  It mainly included me running a drill during our drill section of the day, coming up with  sweet team names (like the Monstarz) when we broke up into teams, not calling any fouls because I was afraid to when I was a ref and of course making fun of all the players during "coaches meetings" who had yet realized that division 3 didn't mean anyone that's ever touched a basketball. It's more like anyone whose ever touched a basketball on a semi-regular basis for at least a year or two- the best players probably a lot longer than that. While on the subject let me add I've been participating in routine ball touching sessions since I was like 10!  And while that sounds god awful, I dont intend it to be. Get your head out the gutter! 

Us Wash U bears have a long history with the Illinois Wesleyan green weenies (as @swallball likes to call them).  We always have great games and there is definitely a mutual respect between our programs.  I've had some of my finest and not-so-finest moments against the weenies.  Freshman year played well against them in a tournament we hosted culminating in a spot on the all tournament team.  Sophomore year, personally at least...didn't go so well.  I'm a little contradictory when I talk about the rare elusive dunk never happening in division 3.  I've done it on occasion and sophomore year it was on full display.  Backdoor cut, BOOM.  At Illinois Wesleyan, on their home court: Getchu sum.  Obviously I'm pumped at this point, and when on the very next possession I steal the ball at half court and take off toward my basket completely wide open, I think it's safe to say that I along with everyone was getting ready for the thunder part 2.  I'm going through my arsenal of dunks in my head ,which includes 2 footed with 1 hand, and 2 footed with 2 hands trying to choose which one I'm going to serve up to the audience this time when I arrive at the basket a little quicker than I anticipated.  "No problem" I thought, "I'm the man!", and with that I dug my heels in the ground and took off...

It wasn't like I just missed the dunk or anything.  That happens; there are actually lots of cool looking missed dunks.  I, on the other hand, didn't even get the ball above the bottom of the net.  When I realized this, all I could do was heave the basket at the bottom of the rim, otherwise I would have been the first person in basketball history to go up for a dunk and come back down with the ball in hand, ultimately traveling (that may have been cooler come to think of it).  The ball clanked off the bottom of the rim (not the top mind you where it has the potential to go in) into the hands of an Ill. Wes. player who we ended up fouling instantaneously to give the audience and everyone on the court enough time to register what had just happened and start ruthlessly making fun of me. I heard "Your not Jordan" chants for a few minutes and they were well deserved.  I wish I had the video for you, maybe I'll look into that.  Case in point, we've beaten Illinois Wesleyan many times, and they've beaten us many times, great history there.  
To conclude, Nick is an awesome addition to the dream team. He's a cool dude and I'll have some material from him shortly. I'll continue to bring y'all real time updates as we continue to assembled the dream team. I'll also post updates on twitter @drich20, and again please, if you want to be involved or have any suggestions you can reach me at

 Let's get it!!! 

Wednesday, June 15, 2011

Full Disclosure

I want to set the record straight just so everyone knows what’s about to go down!  I’ve received questions regarding why I make fun of division 3 basketball so much when I, myself, am a proud member of the lowest NCAA collegiate level.  There are a few reasons for this.  First of all, it’s easier to joke about something than to be serious about it.  Especially when you’re a big badass macho man's-man athlete like myself.  I don’t have emotions; I just workout, eat Campbell’s Chunky soup, talk about chicks with my friends, sip brews (in approx 4 days I will be able to do so legally) and play sports all day with all my other dude bros.  But for real, already has a monopoly on the serious coverage side of division 3 athletics, especially basketball.  With a limited fan-base (parents, best friend-notice I didn't say friends, family members-not even all of them) for division 3 athletes in the first place, there is no room for a random basketball player to waltz in and start pretending to be the expert. ( for basketball-follow Pat Coleman on Twitter @d3hoops for fantastic coverage) does an awesome job of providing a place to get all information regarding division 3 sports with real time updates, interviews, blogs, live coverage, message boards, ect… 

As you can see, the newsworthy side of division 3 athletics is well covered and it is not where I belong.  What I plan to do, which I am…borrowing from (HILARIOUS NBA BLOG-HIGHLY RECOMMENDED) is give you the not-so-newsworthy side of division 3 basketball.  It will mostly be stories and opinions from a future NBA, lottery ticket buying, fan, but with a dream-team formed of division 3 representatives from across the nation, I hope to get a nice inside double-scoop-with-fudge into the shenanigans that take place at our level.  From this weird thing we have to do called schoolwork to pranks played on all the STUPID freshman, I hope to provide a little supplemental bathroom reading material to from a player’s perspective. 

For the sake of full disclosure, this blog isn’t for everyone! I would like to say that these are all personal opinions and views and while I represent Wash U, this is not affiliated with them in any way. I will not write it with mass appeal in mind, censored or much grammatical effort/editing.  If you don’t like it, simple solution: deuces, don’t PEEP it.  But thats going to be hard to do considering I'll be spitting out solid diamonds and exclusive information that will be found NO WHERE ELSE! I wouldn’t be surprised if every division 3 athlete from all 449 NCAA sanctioned institutions subscribed, or at least read. regularly. 

I want to end by saying that I enjoy self-deprecating humor, and I know I spend a lot of time making fun of the people that play division 3 basketball with but in all honesty I love it and I don’t think it’s the joke that I make it out to be at all.  I think division 3 basketball has been one of the best educational experiences I’ve had so far in college.  You encounter so much from time management to working in teams to learning how to motivate yourself (because if playing in front of 150 people on a Sunday morning at 11 A.M. doesn’t do that, I don’t know what will).  All of these things are so beneficial in the real world and will help us out in the future more than anything.  Knowing what I know now, had I pursued the opportunity to play division 1 or go the route I went, I’d be right where I am (maybe without a few of the injuries though).

But sweet jesus, enough of this serious stuff,I feel sick, and its not from holding in a monster fart that I know will sneak right out of my cubicle at work and into all of those around me.  Can’t be pegged as the summer intern who farted all the time when I ask for a referral…  To summarize the past paragraph-division 3 basketball blows, I don’t know why anyone comes to our games and after this year I’m quitting college basketball.  (I’m graduating! HAH-got your ass!) 

Please subscribe, comment, ask questions, follow my sorry ass on twitter @drich20 and I’m still in the business of searching for recruits for the dream team this upcoming year.  If you or someone you know that plays basketball wants to be part of something special…let  me know!


Tuesday, June 14, 2011

Future Plans

Let it be known that I'm going to use the first few posts of this sucker to get out the kinks.  According to some, there are many...all flaws aside I'm going to attempt to use this summer like the NBA regular season, trying out different strategies, seeing what works and never giving 100% with my end goal in mind to peak during the 2011-2012 NCAA division 3 basketball season where juicy goodness flows on a daily basis.  I'll have to be on my game to capture it all especially if I plan on updating this sucker...3-5 times a week!!!!!!  Thats right-you heard it here first and you probably won't hear it anywhere else because I have exclusive coverage.  Daily-ish diary entries during senior year at Wash U.  This blog will probably get picked up by the school newspaper seeing how it will encompass everything relevant, important, noteworthy and, best of all- gossipy.  I'm going to try and partner with other hoopers I know at various division 3 institutions across the nation to provide me with insights and updates that I can include here.  In essence, it will become the TMZ of division 3.  Now I'm pretty sure your as dumbfounded as me as to why ESPN doesn’t sufficiently cover Division 3 athletics-specifically men’s basketball.  I think it might have something to do with how it’s the least exciting sport for fans to watch.  Quick run through of the other sports and why they are more exciting: GO!

 Football:  Big difference between division 1 and 3 is size.  Still always fun to see big people hit big people even if they are 3-6 inches shorter than their counterparts at big division 1 programs.

Women’s Sports:  Each and every one of them are more exciting if not for the simple fact that since there are women on the field, track, court, ect-there stands the possibility that there might be a hot one.  And people like watching hot people regardless of what they’re doing and that is a fact.  Case in point: 2 girls 1 cup.  Further, I will not go.

Baseball & Soccer:  All right, they aren’t too exciting either but all you baseball and soccer people don’t get mad at me just yet (I do have some friends who play both).  Soccer suffers from being the most unpopular and made fun of sport in the U.S. while at the same time being THE most popular in the rest of the world.  Does this say something about the U.S.?  I don’t know.  But I will say I love soccer and have the utmost respect for them.  I think it’s safe to say I look forward to the intramural soccer season after basketball ends just as much if not more than the basketball season.  There is no better feeling than running around not knowing what your doing, being bigger than everyone else while having jumping ability and heading in a goal.  I don’t even know if that’s the right terminology: Head-butting? Header? Head-directing?  Anyway, you can’t disagree until you’ve tried it even though that description was pretty specific to me, and my body-type.  As for baseball-I was the fat kid with the bowl cut whose hair flowed out from under my baseball hat.  I barely fit in those dumb tight ass baseball pants and wearing a cup digging into my upper thigh fat was not my idea of fun.  In 5th grade I was promoted from outfield grass picker to pitcher, didn’t know what the shit I was doing, threw balls, hit people, got taken out before the game ended by my coach and cried…then took all the extra snacks leftover while I sat in a puddle of tears in the corner of the dugout …num num num. Baseball was never my thing.
Other sports:  When you think about big attendance at collegiate sporting events you think football, basketball and maybe baseball and soccer so that is why I chose to explain those-I mean no disrespect for other sports but for the blogs sake I can’t go on.

So back to basketball, I don’t think ESPN covers us on the division 3 level because we lack all that makes basketball exciting.  Thunderous slams, extremely athletic moves, giant physical beasts, tiny ass humans with 55 inch verticals jumping over those beasts:  0 for 4.  If we played back in the 50’s when fundamentals reigned king, we could take on anyone but that is sadly not the case.  Watching a division 3 basketball game's highlights would include (in order from most likely to cause death via boredom to least):

-Fantastic team free throw percentage for the game
-Beautiful shooting form on 3’s
-Crisp passing and ball movement
-Execution of team’s plays
-Possible rim grab or backboard slap after open court layup.

That doesn’t help with TV ratings, so ESPN doesn’t help us gain the A-list celebrity status us division 3 Hoop Stars deserve.  That is why we remain Z-listers, and I take it upon myself to give the division 3 community the attention it deserves. I will start the partnering process over the summer-please email any schools you wish to have a liaison at or individuals.  I’m excited. No stone will be left behind.  And no man unturned.


Friday, June 10, 2011


So I received some Harsh Ass Criticism for my first few entries from someone who will remain anonymous.  The kind where your just like...damn..its one thing to constructively criticize me, and I can take that.  In fact I like it, it helps me hone my craft (I think thats a real expression, haven't actually ever used it though).  But this was the thirsty twilight vampire, out for blood type, and I'm not sure I've recovered fully from it. It consisted of two things- 1, my spelling is teribel..which I no. I never realy were a good speller and I'm not going to start now.  All those spelling errors you see in there...not on purpiss.  Anyway, the thing that really pressed my buttons was the verbal onslaught claiming how I have changed since my glory days with

but I have to say I agree.  But snippity snip me some slack!  Its not easy writing tantalizingly hilarious laugh so loud you start farting material day in and day out when the funniest things about you are your hair, love handles and general looks.  Those things were passed down to me from multiple generations and I'm just trying to do what I can.  Because of this I'm going to reach deep down in my roots and speak on something I know best.  Its far removed considering I'm almost of legal consumption age (wonder what that stuff tastes like...), but one never fully recovers when you grow up with FBCS condition.  Let me first say I realize I use a lot of whatever the word is when you take the initials and make it into a word..AKA acronym.  AKA (Also known as), no PUN intended (PUN...can't think of anything).  NEway, although it indeed is a commonly used medical term meaning you should probably know what it means, for those who don't FBCS is Faticulous Beefacolin Caketin Syndrome or Fat Beef Cake Syndrome.  Its a debilitating syndrome with lasting effects.  There is no WebMD listing for this condition so I've taken it upon myself to list out the causes, symptoms, and treatments for this condition all aggregated from personal experiences.

Causes.  No one really know what causes FBCS.  There has been some medical research linking it to having fatass parents, but as we all know correlation doesn't mean causation so while that is an influencing factor, its not the only cause.  Over indulging parents who are known to excessively force feed their kids on a daily basis has been linked to FBCS.  The same type of parents who excessively force feed their kid then let them eat sweets and ice cream so they will stop crying from the force feeding are also considered a factor.  Current research is being done to investigate whether the chewing and swallowing method of consuming nutrients causes FBCS-many leading scientists say the evidence collected thus far is inconclusive.

Symptoms.  One most likely has FBCS if they experience 6 of the following 10 characteristics:

1. Compulsive daily eating binges including but not limited to entire animals, candy including wrappers, deep fried foods deep fried
2. Wears large white t-shirts that don't hide anything when swimming
3. When swimming, constant stream of bubbles appears from backside and never found in the deep end for fear of sinking like an anchor
4. Males literally have boobs, females look like males
5. Hears from adults "Hey kid, its not halloween today"..."but I like your fat kid costume"
6. When elders visit and pinch child's cheeks, candy corn dribbles out
7. Holds poos for days at a time because to FBCS child, that is time wasted that could have been spent eating (sneaks food into bathroom on occasion)
8.  After play wrestling with friends, friends often go missing
9.  When watching seasons of biggest loser, is disgusted when they see how skinny the contestants the beginning of the season
10.  Missing friends often found in FBCS child's butt cheeks

Treatments:  Depending on the severity of the FBCS case, and the number of characteristics experienced, there are various treatments.  If a child has experienced 9 or 10, there is no hope.  Best bet is to lock it in a room and let the body consume itself.  Only problem is those 9/10ers are usually so large that they continue to live as a fatty until they die of old age.  The body's consumption of itself easily outlasts general lifespan.  If you have experienced 4-8, which is where I fit in- here is me playing with my stick at the beach alone.

(I experienced 2, 4, 6, 7, 8, 10), you are in luck.  Treatment includes nightly praying for a growth spirt, parents tricking their children with low fat candy options and slowly decreasing the amount given sort of like how crack fiends wean off drugs or babies wean off breast milk and finally exercise.  Not running/weights exercise.  Hell no, don't try that right off the bat unless you want the FBCS victim to pass out dead immediately.  Try hiding fresh baked goods in hard to reach places around the house forcing the child to move in various ways to get to them.  Have the child assist you in preparing the dinner table forcing the child to perform beginners weight lifting exercises like carrying forks, knives and bowls.  More examples can be given per request.  If your child falls into the 1-4 range, don't worry, its just a phase.  Typical FBCS children are usually very jealous of these types and might try and eat them so take shelter.

Hope this helps spread awareness of FBCS and offers some insight into the devastating condition.  I survived, and if your kid has it, I have faith that they can too.

Back on my game-droppin' solid diamonds